Thoughts of a simple man...

Long time no write

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 19:18:03 GMT

Originally published at Thoughts of a Simple Man.... You can comment here or there.

It has been about a year since the last time I wrote anything. The joy I once felt putting pen to paper has been smashed out of me by the depression of real life issues. I have always been an organic writer, the words flowing to me from the ether or my muse, whatever you wish to call it. I have been blocked or the well has run dry. My creativity has left me, or has more likely been stiffled by all the crap in my real life. I know I need to fix this, but as yet I don’t know how. Hopefully you guys out there can help. So I’m asking you all how do you get past issues that affect your pursuit of your dream?

Oh its just me again

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 16:34:21 GMT

Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

Well it has been a LOOOONNNNGGGG time since I wrote one of these. Many things have changed since I have. One thing hasn’t, I’m still unemployeed. My health has gone to pot in the past 7 monthes and I have started on insulin injections. So far the insulin has done nothing to lower my sugars and everything to raise my stress levels. I have to nightly stick a needle in my abdomin. Not fun for the guy who hates needles. Mentally I’m about gone. Depression over not finding a job, failing my family, and an overall apathy toward my ability to be a good husband and father has settled in. I just don’t know what to do.

So there is my quick update as to the status of my life. Maybe I’ll do this more but probably not knowing myself as I do.

Take Out the Trash

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:01:55 GMT

Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

мебели софия
I know I have been out of touch and not really updating anything, my blog or twitter. I’ve just been really stressed and not sure what way I’m going or what way I’ve been. As it turns out I’ve had a good reason to stress over the job front anyway.

I’ve had my suspicions that they would be closing our composing site for a while. The books were shrinking at a rapid rate and we were working fewer and fewer hours each week. That didn’t prepare me at all for what happened.

On Monday we found out that the whole company, Yes, you heard me right, THE WHOLE COMPANY was getting the axe. They were shutting down the publishing part of the business and concentrating on the .com part. That will put a ton of people out of work, including me. After nearly eight years I’m getting the axe. I know that I complained like hell about the politics and petty bull shit of this place, but this was the first job I got in design and I had worked myself into a nice comfortable place, free of most of the stress that working offers.

Now I have to move on, into the unknown and find my place. The biggest issue is to determine what I want to do with the rest of my life. I’m not young anymore, and the prospect of just excepting any job just to have money coming in makes me cringe, but I have to keep my family afloat. That is the most important part that my family can enjoy life as they have it, and not want for anything.

Geez, I just don’t know what the hell I’m going to do. It is so new that I am still numb from it and I’ve been escaping from it the past two days. I guess I just have to face it and move on, and pray that my life will get better. It will at least allow me to get out of this rut that I’m in.

Take Out the Trash from the album “The Else” by They Might Be Giants
mebeli

Technorati Tags: family, life, unemployment, workmach zehnder modulator

Take Out the Trash

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 19:21:47 GMT

Originally published at Thoughts of a Simple Man.... You can comment here or there.

The alternate title of this post was, NaNoWriMo = FAIL!

That what I feel like anyway. I didn’t participate at all, no write-ins, no writing, nothing at all. That in my book = FAIL! I need to make myself get in the habit of writing. I have to, if just to preserve my sanity. I really need to find a local writers group, so I will have deadlines, even if they are self imposed, to share something each time we meet. I really need to get back in the habit. It was truly the only time I’ve been really happy with what I do when not working or caring for my family. Now my hours are spent gaming and socializing on the game. I will still game to relax but I need to have a part of my day spent writing as well. If I ever plan on someday “seeing my name on the spine of a book” I need to carve out the time. This means prioritizing things, I need my life to have more structure than it does. I will work on that and update you on my progress.

Also wanted to say that I have been playing with my recording software and an audio post (not sure I can call it a podcast) will be coming soon. Once I get some of my fiction done and polished I will be putting that here as well.

Take Out the Trash from the album “The Else” by They Might Be Giants

Technorati Tags: NaNoWriMo, podcastcomposite triple beatonline casino netмебели, writing

Dirty Little Secret

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 17:03:39 GMT

Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

Raw evil score: 71.11%

This in a very scary way does make sense. Though on second thought I would definitely kick the puppy.

Dirty Little Secret from the album “Move Along” by The All-American Rejects

Technorati Tags: meme

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 14:58:58 GMT

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last Thursday I pulled trillian1117's hair (-5 points). In September I gave pseudovillain a Dutch Oven (-10 points). In July I stole sexxy_beast's purse (-30 points). Last Monday I ruled Asscrackistan as a cruel and heartless dictator (-700 points). In April I ruled Iran as a kind and benevolent dictator (700 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-45 points). For Christmas I deserve a moldy sandwich!

Sincerely,
grafixdesign

My Hero

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 15:57:33 GMT

Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

I know I haven’t been around for a while but I wanted to let you all know I am still here. Work has been stressful and my relationships have been confusing to say the least. I have been escaping into world of warcraft which I am sure doesn’t help and quite frankly my health just sucks. I did get something today which brightened my day and put a much needed smile on my face.

It was the picture that my daughter made while at daycare. I asked her teacher and she said that Emma wanted to make it for daddy because he has been so sad lately. I can’t say enough how much my little girl means to me and how miserable my life would be if she wasn’t in it everyday. It meant so much to me that I am still a little teary eyed over it. She is my hero, as much as I appear to be hers. I love you my little girl, so much.

My Hero from the album “The Colour and the Shape” by Foo Fighters

Technorati Tags: emotions, family, kids, life, love, daughter

Empty Spaces

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:21:33 GMT

Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

It would seem that due to my sickness over the weekend I will not be doing NaNoWriMo this year. I hope to try and do some writing and to go to a few of the write ins and write more than I have been in a long time. I just think with all the stuff going on in my life and my general health issues that I can’t pace myself to actively complete NaNoWriMo this year. I’m sorry to all my friends if I am letting you down, I know that I am letting myself down. There is always next year.

Empty Spaces from the album “The Wall” by Pink Floyd

Technorati Tags: emotions, family, illness, life, NaNoWriMo, writing

This is Halloween

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 15:57:55 GMT

Last night was our pumpkin carving night, and this year the kids both wanted Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas, and me being a huge fan just couldn't say no. So here it is, our frightful Pumpkin King in all his glory. Enjoy.

This is Halloween from the album "The Nightmare Before Christmas" by Danny Elfman

Welcome To My Nightmare

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 14:10:25 GMT

Originally published at Thoughts of a Simple Man.... You can comment here or there.

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NaNoWriMo starts in 14 hours, and this year I am scared to death. I have no idea where my story is going to start, let alone end and forget the stuff in the middle. I really have no even faint plot idea, except that it is going to be a horror/thriller (which I have never tried before) and involve the supernatural. Guess my head will be trying to figure out what I am going to write about so I can get in at least 2000 words tomorrow. Wish me luck, I think this year I am going to need all the help I can get.

Welcome To My Nightmare from the album “Alice Cooper School’s Out And Other Hits” by Alice Cooper

Technorati Tags: fear, NaNoWriMo, vampires, writing

My Hero

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 16:43:13 GMT

Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

1 minute, 44 seconds

Created by Bunk Beds.net

My Hero from the album “The Colour and the Shape” by Foo Fighters

Technorati Tags: funny, meme

The C-Word

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 16:22:46 GMT

Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

I know what you dirty bastards were thinking. The C-Word in this post is Confused. Thats what I am right now. I am confused about a great many things actually. This has a lot to do with the fact that I stopped taking my depression meds about 10 days ago. I now know what a junky feels like when he has withdrawal symptoms. I am not the same person I was just a week ago, and I really don’t like it at all. I’m anxious, disoriented and find it hard to deal with more than one thing at a time. The last one is the one that bothers me the most, I’m used to doing ten things at a time and getting a lot done. Right now, I’m lucky to get through this post without totally forgetting where I am and what I’m talking about.

The worst part is that I’m not sure if it is the drugs or the fact that my wife had betrayed me yet again that is bothering me more. I found out that she is still talking to some guy on Second Life, that has caused us issues in the past. I have asked that she stop talking and hanging out with this guy, who she tells me is just some dude online, she doesn’t know his name and doesn’t care for him other than as just a friend. She has basically chosen to be his friend and to talk and hang with him rather than respect my wishes. It makes me confused as she says one thing and does another. She says I mean the world to her but yet she still continues a relationship which will put all of that in jeopardy. It is obvious that this guy means more to her than she is telling me. I hope that is the case because the alternative is that I mean less to her than she says. Either way, she isn’t telling me the truth.

So here I sit confused and alone with my thoughts. Which at the moment is not an entirely good place to be. I fear that the damage to my marriage is not repairable. I know that I am far from an innocent here, but if she asked me to stop talking to a friend to save our marriage I would. I just fear that she has been hurt by me so many times that she will never be able to trust that I have changed. I’m not the man that hurt her in the past, this loss of medication has showed me that I have made a lot of progress in that department. Like everything, I am far finished, and I probably never will be. I shouldn’t ever stop trying to make myself better, and improve the person that I am. I am just confused at the moment. Confused and afraid that the old baggage and “chains that I forged in life” have weighed down my marriage and my relationship with my wife to the point where it can’t move forward and improve. the trust is gone on both sides and that is the saddest part of all.

I’m just confused and scared. I fear for my kids, and the damage I am doing to them. I am confused and lost and don’t know what to do to fix it. I hate not knowing how to fix it.

The C-Word from the album “The Song Of The Day - May” by Beatnik Turtle

Technorati Tags: emotions, fear, life, love, marriage, pain, confused, relationships

Comfortably Numb

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 15:13:31 GMT

Originally published at Thoughts of a Simple Man.... You can comment here or there.

Hello all, been a while since I posted. Things have been crazy at home and at work and some of it was completely out of control nuts, but that is a story for another day. Today we discuss Vampires and horror stories and NaNoWriMo.

First I have decided to write a horror type story for NaNoWriMo this year. I leaning toward a mystery that involves the supernatural and of course vampires. It will revolve around a news report who is reporting on the crimes as they take place and starts to realize that there is more going on than just a simple bunch of murders/crimes. It will be a departure from my usual writing and I’m really looking forward to it. I need to have an good overview of what is going on, and I’ll be hammering out those details in the next few days.

I’m hoping to get back into the blogging a bit more and I want to keep a detailed journal of how I am doing and the problems and issues I find myself up against during NaNoWriMo this year, and possibly with some audio posts mixed in so don’t forget to check out Thoughts of a Simple Man for those.

Comfortably Numb from the album “The Wall” by Pink Floyd

Technorati Tags: NaNoWriMo, news, story, vampires, writing

Comfortably Numb

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 15:12:28 GMT

Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

Comfortably Numb from the album “The Wall” by Pink Floyd

Technorati Tags: NaNoWriMo, news, story, vampires, writing

OMG this is to good.

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 14:06:23 GMT

Thick As a Brick

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 16:19:00 GMT

Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

Just a post to let you all know that I have updated My Notes with a new theme and also to say that by popular demand I am going to do the vampire story for NaNoWriMo.

Thick As a Brick (Part 1) from the album “Thick As a Brick” by Jethro Tull

Technorati Tags: NaNoWriMo, Weblog, writing

Don’t Vote!

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 13:55:21 GMT

Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

Pass it on.

Technorati Tags: change, life, news, vote

Your Only Friends Are Make Believe

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:34:32 GMT

Originally published at Thoughts of a Simple Man.... You can comment here or there.

Well it is that time of year again. Many of my friends are gearing up for NaNoWriMo again. I’m find myself even thing about what topic to tackle this year. Currently I’m leaning toward a horror/mystery story involving Vampires. I don’t really know though. I’m kind of affected by the new show on HBO Trueblood as I have been watching it lately and my mind has been thinking about vampires. That may change in a month but the planning has begun. the count down to NaNoWriMo has started. God help us all.

Your Only Friends Are Make Believe from the album “One Fierce Beer Coaster” by The Bloodhound Gang

Technorati Tags: change, NaNoWriMo, story, vampires, writing

And Further On

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 14:59:25 GMT

Originally published at Thoughts of a Simple Man.... You can comment here or there.

Ok, First I would like to thank all of you who stuck around while I was attempting to work on a webcomic. I have realized that I don’t have the time nor the skill to complete it to my satisfaction, so I am moving further on with my life and the focuses that I wish to spend my time on. I just simply don’t have the time in a day to do everything that I want to. I am going to focus on my writing and per the suggestion of a friend I am going to do a podcast/audio blog about the difficulties of a full time employee, full time dad, and writing neophyte, finding time to write, time to be a father and husband, and some time to relax and enjoy life. It will also be from the point of view of someone (namely me) that has had no formal writing training. I definitely don’t lack for ideas but you have to bear with me as I’m learning the other tools needed to be a good writer. I hope that you will all stick around, as I hope it will get me to write more and regularly create. I am learning the audio part so bear with me there as well. I would love it to sound like Tee Morris‘ various podcasts, someday maybe, but I can only dream of being that good. So stick around, changes are coming. So “Will you still be there further on?”

“We saw the heavens break and all the world go down to sleep
and rocks on mossy banks drip acid rain from craggy steeps
Saw fiery angels kiss the dawn
Wish you goodbye till further on
Will you still be there further on?

And troubled dynasties, like legions lost, have blown away
Hounds hard upon their heels call to their quarry — wait and play
Before the last faint light has gone
Wish you goodbye till further on
Will you still be there further on?

The angry waves grow high — cut icy teeth on northern shores
Brave fires that flicker, cough — give way to winds through broken doors
And with the last line almost drawn —
wish you goodbye till further on
Will you still be there further on?”

And Further On from the album “A” by Jethro Tull

Technorati Tags: emotions, fear, music, podcast, writing

What I've been Tweeting...

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 22:04:13 GMT

10:06 safe travels to everyone heading to D*C. I wish I could see you guys there, I miss you all. #
10:42 New blog post: Only Happy When It Rains tinyurl.com/5r8t9w #
10:51 @breakall Thanks man. Safe travels to you guys and I want reports from D*C ok. #
10:57 @MistressJett it should if you post it as a comment. If not I'll change it so it will #
11:57 still amazed at how much my friends (ie the tribe) care about me when those physically in my life don't. Thank you all so much. #
12:30 New blog post: Still Loving You Tonight tinyurl.com/6xjlxw #
12:44 @MistressJett yummy looks good, now all I have to do is get out of here so I can eat. #

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Still Loving You Tonight

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 16:30:43 GMT

Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

Its a lonely life I live and I live this life to go
And if I leave you with one thing its just that I want
You to know
Ill still be loving you tonight.

I left flowers on your table, left the lock on your door.
Staked a claim in your heartlands, put grain in your store.
Ill still be loving you tonight.
Got fingers on the button of that telephone dial.
Call in and move your mountains, fill your spaces while
Im still loving you tonight.

You want to know how I can leave you?
How can I move along this way?
Too much of a good thing can make you crazy
And its a good thing that happened to me today.
Ill still be loving you tonight.

Its a lonely life I live and I live this life to go
And if I leave you with one thing its just that I want
You to know
Ill still be loving you tonight.

Ok this is just how I have been feeling. I know you are all probably really sick to death of hearing about my miserable life. I just need to work on it and music helps me, it really does. I also have to say that my online friends and the ones that I have met only a few times (you all know who you are), have been the most supportive and caring people to me. I appreciate every last bit of support and love. It has help more than I can ever say. I’m having a hard time but I’m working on my life and I am trying to improve it and make up for a lot of mistakes that I have made. Your support has meant so much and I can never thank you all enough.

Still Loving You Tonight from the album “Catfish Rising” by Jethro Tull

Technorati Tags: emotions, family, life, love, marriage, music, pain, friends, relationships, The Tribe

Only Happy When It Rains

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:42:07 GMT

Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Gamer/Computer Nerd You enjoy the visual stimulants of a video game, chatting on AIM, or reading online comics. Most of these types of nerds are considered dirty who lack hygeine, of course they always end up being the ones who make a crapload of money. And don’t worry, that’s just a stereotype; I’m not calling you dirty. ^_~
Literature Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Social Nerd
Anime Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Drama Nerd
Musician
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Only Happy When It Rains from the album “Garbage” by Garbage

Technorati Tags: meme, quiz

What I've been Tweeting...

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 22:03:27 GMT

11:35 Having a hard time coping with the fact that I don't deserve to be loved or cared for. Depression really is a bitch. #
11:39 @MistressJett Well you may think it is bullshit, right now that is what I am feeling. Sorry just very very down today. #
11:44 Not trying to call anyone a liar. I'm just very lost I guess is the best way to put it. I misplaced my feelings in someone I shouldn't have. #
11:45 Now I am trying to figure out why someone I cared so much for would treat me like total crap. Like I wasn't worth anything. I meant nothing. #
11:47 Thanks to you all. You do make me feel better and I care about all of the tribe so much. #
11:48 @maebreakall thanks Mae. Just really hurts. I just feel lost and alone. #
11:54 @indianajim Thanks Jim, that put a smile on my face. #
11:57 @VividMuse I can tell, you guys are amazing and I do hope that I can find just a portion of the happiness you have together. #
12:08 Enough wallowing in my own puddle of despair. I need to get this work done so I can go home. #
12:10 @VividMuse What is this Blender*Con that has slipped by my attention unnoticed. (I've really been out of it lately) #
12:19 @Nobilis Ahh so those of us in the north east are excluded. I cry discrimination. #
12:19 @comics_grrl Thank you so much. #
12:26 @indianajim I don't know if I would work out, I'm a flake too. #
12:30 @Nobilis True lol very true. I have the money for neither one though. #
13:35 @pfischer that would definately improve my mood. Thanks Paul. #

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What I've been Tweeting...

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 22:03:43 GMT

08:24 Awake. Numb to just about everything. Why does life have to be so difficult? #
10:35 @VividMuse You going to be ok? #
11:52 @mightymur You are the best! Have fun with the NPR interview! #

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What I've been Tweeting...

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:02:15 GMT

23:55 @mightymur best of luck! You know you have my full support! #

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