Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

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I know I have been out of touch and not really updating anything, my blog or twitter. I’ve just been really stressed and not sure what way I’m going or what way I’ve been. As it turns out I’ve had a good reason to stress over the job front anyway.

I’ve had my suspicions that they would be closing our composing site for a while. The books were shrinking at a rapid rate and we were working fewer and fewer hours each week. That didn’t prepare me at all for what happened.

On Monday we found out that the whole company, Yes, you heard me right, THE WHOLE COMPANY was getting the axe. They were shutting down the publishing part of the business and concentrating on the .com part. That will put a ton of people out of work, including me. After nearly eight years I’m getting the axe. I know that I complained like hell about the politics and petty bull shit of this place, but this was the first job I got in design and I had worked myself into a nice comfortable place, free of most of the stress that working offers.

Now I have to move on, into the unknown and find my place. The biggest issue is to determine what I want to do with the rest of my life. I’m not young anymore, and the prospect of just excepting any job just to have money coming in makes me cringe, but I have to keep my family afloat. That is the most important part that my family can enjoy life as they have it, and not want for anything.

Geez, I just don’t know what the hell I’m going to do. It is so new that I am still numb from it and I’ve been escaping from it the past two days. I guess I just have to face it and move on, and pray that my life will get better. It will at least allow me to get out of this rut that I’m in.

Take Out the Trash from the album “The Else” by They Might Be Giants
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Originally published at Thoughts of a Simple Man.... You can comment here or there.

The alternate title of this post was, NaNoWriMo = FAIL!

That what I feel like anyway. I didn’t participate at all, no write-ins, no writing, nothing at all. That in my book = FAIL! I need to make myself get in the habit of writing. I have to, if just to preserve my sanity. I really need to find a local writers group, so I will have deadlines, even if they are self imposed, to share something each time we meet. I really need to get back in the habit. It was truly the only time I’ve been really happy with what I do when not working or caring for my family. Now my hours are spent gaming and socializing on the game. I will still game to relax but I need to have a part of my day spent writing as well. If I ever plan on someday “seeing my name on the spine of a book” I need to carve out the time. This means prioritizing things, I need my life to have more structure than it does. I will work on that and update you on my progress.

Also wanted to say that I have been playing with my recording software and an audio post (not sure I can call it a podcast) will be coming soon. Once I get some of my fiction done and polished I will be putting that here as well.

Take Out the Trash from the album “The Else” by They Might Be Giants

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Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

Raw evil score: 71.11%

This in a very scary way does make sense. Though on second thought I would definitely kick the puppy.

Dirty Little Secret from the album “Move Along” by The All-American Rejects

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Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

I know I haven’t been around for a while but I wanted to let you all know I am still here. Work has been stressful and my relationships have been confusing to say the least. I have been escaping into world of warcraft which I am sure doesn’t help and quite frankly my health just sucks. I did get something today which brightened my day and put a much needed smile on my face.

It was the picture that my daughter made while at daycare. I asked her teacher and she said that Emma wanted to make it for daddy because he has been so sad lately. I can’t say enough how much my little girl means to me and how miserable my life would be if she wasn’t in it everyday. It meant so much to me that I am still a little teary eyed over it. She is my hero, as much as I appear to be hers. I love you my little girl, so much.

My Hero from the album “The Colour and the Shape” by Foo Fighters

Technorati Tags: emotions, family, kids, life, love, daughter

Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

It would seem that due to my sickness over the weekend I will not be doing NaNoWriMo this year. I hope to try and do some writing and to go to a few of the write ins and write more than I have been in a long time. I just think with all the stuff going on in my life and my general health issues that I can’t pace myself to actively complete NaNoWriMo this year. I’m sorry to all my friends if I am letting you down, I know that I am letting myself down. There is always next year.

Empty Spaces from the album “The Wall” by Pink Floyd

Technorati Tags: emotions, family, illness, life, NaNoWriMo, writing

Last night was our pumpkin carving night, and this year the kids both wanted Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas, and me being a huge fan just couldn't say no. So here it is, our frightful Pumpkin King in all his glory. Enjoy.





This is Halloween from the album "The Nightmare Before Christmas" by Danny Elfman

Originally published at Thoughts of a Simple Man.... You can comment here or there.

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NaNoWriMo starts in 14 hours, and this year I am scared to death. I have no idea where my story is going to start, let alone end and forget the stuff in the middle. I really have no even faint plot idea, except that it is going to be a horror/thriller (which I have never tried before) and involve the supernatural. Guess my head will be trying to figure out what I am going to write about so I can get in at least 2000 words tomorrow. Wish me luck, I think this year I am going to need all the help I can get.

Welcome To My Nightmare from the album “Alice Cooper School’s Out And Other Hits” by Alice Cooper

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Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

I could survive for 1 minute, 44 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

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My Hero from the album “The Colour and the Shape” by Foo Fighters

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Originally published at My Notes. You can comment here or there.

I know what you dirty bastards were thinking. The C-Word in this post is Confused. Thats what I am right now. I am confused about a great many things actually. This has a lot to do with the fact that I stopped taking my depression meds about 10 days ago. I now know what a junky feels like when he has withdrawal symptoms. I am not the same person I was just a week ago, and I really don’t like it at all. I’m anxious, disoriented and find it hard to deal with more than one thing at a time. The last one is the one that bothers me the most, I’m used to doing ten things at a time and getting a lot done. Right now, I’m lucky to get through this post without totally forgetting where I am and what I’m talking about.

The worst part is that I’m not sure if it is the drugs or the fact that my wife had betrayed me yet again that is bothering me more. I found out that she is still talking to some guy on Second Life, that has caused us issues in the past. I have asked that she stop talking and hanging out with this guy, who she tells me is just some dude online, she doesn’t know his name and doesn’t care for him other than as just a friend. She has basically chosen to be his friend and to talk and hang with him rather than respect my wishes. It makes me confused as she says one thing and does another. She says I mean the world to her but yet she still continues a relationship which will put all of that in jeopardy. It is obvious that this guy means more to her than she is telling me. I hope that is the case because the alternative is that I mean less to her than she says. Either way, she isn’t telling me the truth.

So here I sit confused and alone with my thoughts. Which at the moment is not an entirely good place to be. I fear that the damage to my marriage is not repairable. I know that I am far from an innocent here, but if she asked me to stop talking to a friend to save our marriage I would. I just fear that she has been hurt by me so many times that she will never be able to trust that I have changed. I’m not the man that hurt her in the past, this loss of medication has showed me that I have made a lot of progress in that department. Like everything, I am far finished, and I probably never will be. I shouldn’t ever stop trying to make myself better, and improve the person that I am. I am just confused at the moment. Confused and afraid that the old baggage and “chains that I forged in life” have weighed down my marriage and my relationship with my wife to the point where it can’t move forward and improve. the trust is gone on both sides and that is the saddest part of all.

I’m just confused and scared. I fear for my kids, and the damage I am doing to them. I am confused and lost and don’t know what to do to fix it. I hate not knowing how to fix it.

The C-Word from the album “The Song Of The Day - May” by Beatnik Turtle

Technorati Tags: emotions, fear, life, love, marriage, pain, confused, relationships